Green Smoothie

Green Smoothie

Yes, it's green. No, it doesn't taste like lawn clippings. This nutrient-dense liquid breakfast packs more vitamins than your medicine cabinet and keeps you energized without the sugar roller coaster. Plus, drinking vegetables before noon makes you morally superior to everyone else. 🥤

Prep Time: 5 minutes (plus time spent convincing yourself it'll taste good)

Cook Time: 0 minutes (unless you count the emotional journey of drinking something green)

Dietary Tags: Vegetarian, Gluten-Free

Nutrition Information

Calories: 789 | Protein: 28g | Carbs: 56g | Fat: 47g | Fiber: 17g | Sugar: 9g

Ingredients

  • 1 cup spinach (don't worry, you won't taste it)
  • 1/2 cucumber, peeled and chopped (basically crunchy water)
  • 1 celery stalk (the vegetable equivalent of a gym rat)
  • 1/2 green apple (for sweetness that won't spike your blood sugar to Mars)
  • 1 cup unsweetened almond milk (not that sweetened nonsense masquerading as health food)
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice (for zing and to mask the fact you're drinking vegetables)
  • 1/2 avocado (optional, for creaminess and to make it Instagram-worthy)
  • Ice cubes (optional, but recommended if you're still adjusting to the whole vegetables-for-breakfast thing)

Instructions

  1. Place all ingredients in a blender (a good one, or you'll be chewing your smoothie).
  2. Blend until smooth and creamy (if your blender sounds like it's launching into space, that's normal).
  3. Add ice if desired and blend again (colder = easier to drink when you're new to green smoothies).
  4. Pour into a glass and serve immediately (delay increases the likelihood of talking yourself out of it).
  5. **Description:** The perfect crunchy-creamy combo that'll make your taste buds forget they ever needed candy! This fiber-filled, healthy-fat-packed snack keeps blood sugar steady while giving your jaw the satisfying workout it craves. 🥬
  6. **Prep Time:** 5 minutes (most of which is spent trying to get the almond butter out of the jar)
  7. **Cook Time:** 0 minutes (unless you count the emotional journey of giving up sugar)
  8. **Ingredients:**
  9. - 2-3 celery stalks, cut into sticks (nature's floss that actually tastes good)
  10. - 1 tablespoon almond butter (no added sugar – read that label like a detective)
  11. **Instructions:**
  12. Wash and cut celery into 3-4 inch sticks (uniform size makes you look like you know what you're doing).
  13. Spread almond butter on celery sticks or use as a dip (the "log and river" approach or the "dunk and crunch" method – dealer's choice).
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